no way out

Nagu näha siis viimasel ajal taasavastan neid suurepäraseid soundtracke. Iseloomustavad nii sobivalt igat päeva järelikult...

Ilmselt jääb see viimaseks postituseks siin blogis (and then I'll shut it down).

House of Flying Daggers - No Way Out

Bushidō

The Last Samurai - Red Warrior


  The Last Samurai - Ujio Beheading deleted scene

time will fly

Lovers - Mei and Jin (House of Flying Daggers)


  Lykke Li - Time flies


I get weak 
I get weary 
I miss sleep 
I get moody 
I'm in thoughts 
I write songs 
I'm in love 
I walk on 


 Fingers crossed, my time is coming now 
Don't you go, my baby begs me so 
Time will fly, upon my baby's back 
Time will fly, upon my baby's back

closure

Closing it down (the blog). Again
Moving elsewhere.

  Tan Dun - For The World

Sadness is a blessing

Huvitavast statistikast nii palju, et viimastel kuudel lisandub üha huvitavamaid riike, kust seda blogi vaadatakse. Tulenevalt teatud tähtpäevast on praegune nimestik eriti huvitav. Esirinnas on Serbia. Lisaks Araabia Ühendemiraadid, Argentiina ja Lõuna-Korea. Põhilised olid muidu USA, Venemaa ja Ukraina. 

Viimase nädala aja blogivaadatavuses kõrgub teistest üle muidugi selline kuupäev nagu 22.7.

Vaeveldes pikemat aega teatud dilemma küüsis ning viimasel ajal pidevaid "märke" saades, mõtlesin eelmisel nädalal, et kui peaks lähema nädala jooksul veel midagi tulema, siis on vist selge, mida tegema peaks. Tulemuseks oli see, et järgmisel päeval nõnda nimetatud märk lausa jalutas mulle vastu. What are the odds? See oli juba liigagi koomiline.

Üha rohkem mõtlen ja üha selgemaks saab, et kõik on siin lõpuks läbi saanud ja end täiesti ammendanud. Enough. Kaua võib.
Kestev obsessioon ja üha suurenev tung tipnevad muidu lõpuks sellega, et ma lähen sõna otseses mõttes hulluks, kui midagi ette ei võta lõpuks. AAaargh. Must! Aga kuidas, selles on küsimus...
Siis ma istun, loen ja tunnen, kuidas see kõik on nii õige ning sobiv. Ja oh ei, tuleb veel üks märk..kes on kus. Siis on tõesti tunne selline, et katkuks juukseid välja. 
Ning kui ma taas kord mõtlesin selle peale, millest kõigest peaks (arvatavasti) loobuma, mis on pool elu olnudki nagu minu..elu ja kõige tähtsam, siis mind isegi ei huvita. Kõik see ei huvita mind nagunii, kui mõte on kogu aeg mujal ja rahu niikuinii ei saa, enne kui...
I know this is right...or do I?

Must go!

Igal juhul on jätkuvalt väga joviaalne tunne..not.

Lykke Li on ikka veel täpselt nagu naelapea pihta ja rohkemgi veel.

Lykke Li - Sadness is a Blessing (MTV Unplugged)

  Lykke Li - Possibility (MTV Unplugged)

breaking down

Florence & The Machine - Breaking Down
Aaaaaah... I think I'm breaking down again 
I think I'm breaking down again...

  Florence & The Machine - Never Let Me Go

Never let me go, never let me go. 
Never let me go, never let me go...

pain

I hate this... 

Seda, et juba 3 kuud painavad mind mingid lakkamatud ache'imise hood. Pole kunagi varem midagi sellist olnud. See ajab mind hulluks. Aaargh...Just siis, kui saab mõne päeva rahus olla, hakkab jälle pihta. Ja põhjus polegi alati see üks..on erinevaid. Damn.
Kuude kaupa mingi lõpmatu halav igatsemine...

Peksan ennast iga päev, sest mul on võimalus, kuid ma ei kasuta seda.--Selle asemel "virelen mingis ache'imises" nagu ma paar kuud tagasi kirjutasin. Still the same, järjekordselt. Viimased nädal-kaks liigagi intensiivselt.

Loss, sadness, compassion, yearning, failure, pain, pain, pain...

  Patrick Cassidy - Skibbereen



And you seek pain like it is pleasure

Like a work of art
When I'm your painting, I'm your treasure
Purest of them all
And call it love or call it murder
Kill me quietly
Close the door and take it further
Where no man has been

elegy

 Poolteist nädalat hiljem jätkuvalt kummitab...ja meeleolu on ka kordades eleegilisem. 

Jeff Beck feat. Olivia Safe - Elegy for Dunkirk

Elegy for Dunkirk

Pühapäeva suvisel õhtul heinamaade, põldude ja metsade vahel koju sõites hakkas see pala äkki lakkamatult peas kummitama. Ilmselt seetõttu, et tunne ise oli sama eleegiline nagu paar päeva enne seda stseeni vaadates ning antud soundtracki kuuldes.

Suveõhtu eleegia keset viljapõlde, heinamaid ja õhtupäikest...

Atonement Soundtrack - Elegy for Dunkirk

I miss you

Muusika tuleb taas kuskilt alateadvusest..eile hakkas kummitama see....

Beyoncé - I Miss You

I thought that things like this get better with time

But I still need you, why is that?

You're the only image in my mind

So I still see you... around

I miss you, like everyday

Wanna be with you, but you're away

Said I miss you, missing you insane

But if I got with you, could it feel the same?

Words don't ever seem to come out right

But I still mean them, why is that?

It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel

But I still need to, why is that?

I miss you, like everyday

Wanna be with you, but you're away

I said I miss you, missing you insane

But if I got with you, could it feel the same?

Eile vaatasin lõpuks ometi ära sellise filmi nagu "Atonement"...

Täielik meistriteos, pole muud öelda. Varem olen sellelt superlavastajalt (Joe Wright) näinud "Pride and Prejudice'i", mis oli minu meelest samuti tõeline kunstiteos oma ilusate stseenidega. Kuid "Atonement" oli minu meelest veelgi võimsam. Nagu film "House of the Flying Daggers", hiilgas ka "Atonement" superesteetiliste kaadrite, ilusate stseenide, sügavate tunnetega ja loomulikult suurepärase näitlejatööga. Seda filmi kinolavalt ja kvaliteetse pildiga näha oleks tõeline elamus.

Varsti saab Joe Wright'ilt, kelle jaoks Keira Knightley on vist muusa, näha "Anna Kareninat", mille trailer lõi oma iluga pahviks.

the Sun's gone dim

Terve see nädal ja eriti paar viimast päeva on taas mingi paine peal totaalselt.

Isegi õhtuses kuldvalguses istudes, jooksvaid lapsi vaadates ja kandlemuusikat kuulates läksid mõtted sellele. Või õigemini, seda enam läksid ja seda kurvemaks läks...Nii kahju hakkas, et....ja see jube kaastunne valdas mind terve päeva, kuid see on nii olnud juba kuid.

Käies eile sealsamas, kus ma viimati olingi täpselt 2 kuud tagasi, võisin tõdeda, et kõik on täpselt sama... Peaaegu korduspostitus sellele, mis on tehtud 22. aprill.

Kattus ka see, et:

"the sun was very bright today"

Kõik sama...hulluksajav kaastunne ja asjaolu, et ma ei saa mitte midagi teha.

"Kunagi tahtsin, et mul oleks jumalik käsi, millega ma siis lihtsalt puudutusest kõik valu ära võtaks ning alles jääks vaid rahu.

Praegu ma tunnen, et ma tahaksin jumalikku väge, mida ma lihtsalt kiirgaksin peale ning tekiks üks suur-suur üdini hea, võimas ja soojendav, rahustav valgus, millest keegi kuritahtlik läbi ei pääseks. Sellele, kes seal keset valgust seisab, jääks vaid head ja rahulikud tunded ning mõtted.

Need jumalikud aktid oleks suunatud muidugi kellelegi teisele, mitte mulle endale.

Yes, this is compassion...

Kuid ma ei saa mitte midagi teha..."

Ühel kuldvalgusega õhtul ringi käies hakkas mu peas äkki kummitama üks meloodia...Pärast seda, kui olin vaadanud liblikaid, põrnikaid, lilli...ja valgeid roose ning kuulnud lindude tasast laulu ja tuulekella õrna kõlisemist ning mõelnud, et...kuidas sa küll suudad seal betooni keskel olla, tule vaata ja kuula seda kõik...aga ei....

Üritasin tükk aega meenutada, mis meloodia see on ja lõpuks mulle meenus..."Whisper of a Thrill":

Thomas Newman Whisper of a thrill(Meet Joe Black Soundtrack)

  Johann Johannsson - Sun's Gone Dim

  A Last Reading - Becoming Jane Soundtrack - Adrian Johnston

Letters from Gollum's evil & multi-retarded cousin

Paar kirja ABB-lt toetajatele (ja vastupidi), mida meedia on avalikustanud. 

Ma ei hakka siin enam midagi kommenteerima, toon vaid bold'is esile mõned asjad.

Ühesõnaga, Breiviki käekiri on ikka sama, mis enne vangiminekut. 

Kui senini teadsin, et ta kirjutab raamatut, siis tuleb välja, et koguni kolme raamatut.

Breivik enda kohta:

"physically/mentally multi-retarded, psychotic monster (imagine Gollum's evil and multi-retarded cousin) :D"

Hilarious!!

Hannibal Lecter, lord Voldemort, Gollum, Põrgupõhja uus vanapagan. Huvitav, kellega teda järgmisena võrreldakse?

"VG also writes that Breivik has reportedly received two undated letters from a pseudonymous author calling himself “The Architect”:

“Hi Anders! Thank you for a well conducted operation, but it is of course sad that you are where you are now. The whole group greets you and thank you for the strike against the communist rule”. The letter also contained a brief note to the police: “Letter and envelope are free from fingerprints and DNA. We are not stupid.”

From the second letter:

“Hi Anders. Here is a small greeting from the group. Both you and we know you are not psychotic, but a fully aware person that sacrified yourself for the cause. We will always stand by you and you shall not lack anything.”

At the bottom of the page is written: “With Norwegian combat greeting. The Architect.”

One Norwegian citizen currently living in Lithuania wrote: “The Polish guy probably will probably fix a helicopter in the large excercize enclosure in a couple of years when things have calmed down and Brazil for you!” The writer also states that he met Breivik in a pub in Oslo in 2002.

Another letter Breivik received over Christmas contained only six blank pages numbered with Roman numerals one to six (I-VI).

Breivik Letter: 15.01.12 

Dear Tania 

Great, thank you so much for your letter! It was both pleasant and inspiring, and I really appreciate it! Unfortunately, I received it a few days ago and haven't had the opportunity to respond until today :) 

If you are more fluent in English than in Norwegian btw, let me know. I am very grateful to you for your kind words, and definitely want to get to know you better Tania:))

A lot of people around the world have expressed their support for me, in summary, I have received over 250 letters, most of which are bills, LOL. About 60% of the letters is positive, 10% is from people who want me to find Jesus, and 30% from those who hate me.

I will not delve into the ideology aspects as I have paid tons of attention to this in the 1500 page book "2083." But I would like to emphasize, Tania, that more than half what's written about me in the media is false and isn't rooted in reality. I am one of thousands of militant nationalists in Northern Europe. No more and no less. And of course I am not a delusional crazy nutjob as the media would make it out to be. 

The operation was extremely exacting, both logistically, physically, and emotionally. July 22 was the worst day of my life - the day that I dreaded for many years. 

I'm aware that particularly the politically left, a group that completely dominates the journalistic and academic fields, hates me and everything I stand for. This should be taken into consideration when reading articles about this subject. But I think that the systematic demonization should be regarded as a compliment, confirming that the threat of militant nationalism manifests their worst nightmare. In that regard it's understandable given the harm I've inflicted upon them. The KT network, of which I am a part, felt it was crucial for someone to convey the message that enough is enough and at the same time lay the foundation for future resistance. 

All this makes more sense when one considers the cultural conflict as something that was set in motion by our governments after World War II when multiculturalism was introduced and massive Muslim immigration / Islamization was initiate, this without giving the people a choice in the matter. The conflict is only beginning to manifest itself, and unfortunately we will see it grow in intensity in the next decade, not only in Norway, but also in most of Western Europe. 

By the way, it is not true what they say about me being narsissistic; a man with delusions of grandeur who thinks himself the savior of Europe. Obviously I don't suffer from low self-esteem :D, but a narcissistic person would never make a sacrifice for the greater good. So they contradict themselves in that regard. It's virtually the opposite, I'm a very humble person. In addition, there are hundreds of additional erroneous judgments. If you have any questions about this, I am willing to explain, I figured it wouldn't be right to bombard you with this in the first letter:)) 

Again, Tania, thanks for the encouraging letter, and yes, I am interested in getting to know you better! 

As for me, being here now, it is much easier than it was in the beginning. It was very difficult in the first weeks in custody to adapt from an active, to a completely inactive lifestyle. You become very lonely and you are almost bored to death. 

In the period preceding the operation, I used a well-known Japanese military code of "Bushido" to maintain a high level of motivation, and suppress fear. I continue to actively use this ritual for an hour a day to maintain my strength of spirit. It is basically a meditation technique where I use inspirational and ideological songs for artists such as Saga and Helene Bøksle. One of the songs I used when creating my film. I think it's called "Ere, the world crumbling" or something like that. An incredibly powerful song :))

So, what am I doing these days? I was allowed access to the media on December 12, so my lawyers gave me hundreds of articles. I was also given a DVD player and a TV. I have four lawyers in my defense team, and they are highly skilled specialists. I really appreciate their efforts in this process, which has turned into quite the circus. I'm not eager to take part in this, but for me it's the only way to explain to the world the content of "2083." In addition, the last couple of weeks I had the opportunity to work out in a training room. So I train every day and keep myself in shape. I'm still in isolation, and this will continue until the end of the trial.

I am in the process of writing three books, which will be published in English. I'm trying to get in touch with someone who's interested and has a blog, or knows someone who has a blog. I'm definitely going to create a network of friends for starters. And I'm going to concentrate on individuals who share my mentality and vision for the future of Norway and Europe. And I hope that you, Tania, are interested in being my friend. 

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By the way, letters are the easiest form of communication in my current situation. I'll admit I miss Twitter and Facebook:-D From 9000 Facebook contacts down to having no internet at all:-O

Hoping for an answer from you, Tania

[signature]

Anders Behring Breivik

Breivik Letter: 12-02-27 

Dear sister Mia! :-)

This is my second letter to you, and I hope you received my first one. It was pretty long. In case you didn't receive it, I would like you to know that I did in fact receive all of your letters. thank you so much for your support! I truly appreciate it.

I also just wanted to let you know that I will be extremely busy for the next 40-50 days. You see the trial starts April 16th and will last for 10 weeks, with more than 500 journalists scheduled to arrive from all over the world, and I haven't even begun with preparations yet...:) The result of an early trial is that I will hardly have any time to prepare, even if I focus 100% for the next 50 days. The reasons for this are all the police-debriefings that never seem to end, all the court appointed psych evaluations (up to 20 hrs per week) meetings with prison health team (three per week) and the time I have to reserve for analysis of the media coverage relating to this case (reading old/new news stories and watching TV news casts). In addition there have been more than a hundred interview requests - and I'm preparing for one large, filmed interview with an international company prior to the case. Also there are 2 weekly meetings with my defense team (4 talented lawyers coordinating various processes) and 3 strength workouts per week. :-) However, due to all these time sinks in the next 50 days and the need to free up additional time to start the preparations for the trial, time will not allow me to focus on letter correspondence yet. Due to the above this letter will be shorter than I would have wanted it to be. :)

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I see myself only as a foot soldier in this revolution, one of many. In fact, there are many many more like me in European prisons, the only difference is that my operation was more 'spectacular' than theirs. The resistance in Europe will eventually impact all European countries, so it will be interesting to see future developments, especially in relation to the impending financial breakdown in several European countries.

About the psych report. I feel that I also have to point out a few things, even though you probably already know this. :-) The media in Norway have initiated the largest demonization campaign against a single individual since Quisling after WWII. They are legitimizing the psych report where I am portrayed as a physically/mentally multi-retarded, psychotic monster (imagine Gollum's evil and multi-retarded cousin) :D this is very sad for Norway's sake as they have now, if the report stands, embraced Soviet style political suppression tactics. By declaring militant nationalists as insane and subsequently sending them to the nut house, they manage to preserve "national harmony" and can therefore continue their ethnic and cultural deconstruction project - back to business as usual. At least, this is what they hope. The truth is that most people do not buy the report's conclusion at all, and I'm 100% sure that the report will not hold in court as I plan to do everything I can to fight this. Obviously most of the information circulating in the media is false (I do have demonic horns though, but I file them down every Sunday....;P). Seriously though, the only correct source for information about me is 2083. But in any case, if you are curious about anything you have heard, do not hesitate to ask me :-).

Mia, if you didn't get my first letter, I have it on file. So please let me know and I will print it out again and mail it to you :D.

And yes indeed, if everything goes as planned, I will perform well during the trial with razor sharp conviction. :) I will begin preparations asap, everything is fine here. I will most likely stay in isolation indefinitely due to the fact that I would be lynched by muslims in the open block. That is fine, and I will use most of my time here to "fight with the pen" writing essays.

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Needless to say: I'm very interested in establishing contact with individuals who care about the fate of our culture and people and who would be interested in participating in some way or form through internet/blog/fb activism or by writing essays related to the efforts against cultural marxism/multiculturalism and islamisation. If you, or anyone you know would be interested in corresponding with me in this regard, this is something I would be interested in. 

Thanks again for your support Mia, and I'm looking forward to hearing from you:))

Sincerely,

Anders Behring Breivik

Breivik Letter: 07.05.12 

[Address of recipient]

Anders Behring Breivik

Postboks 150

1332 Østerås

Norway

Oslo/Bærum, 07.05.12

Dear sister Mia:-)

I'm sorry for not writing you earlier before the trial started, but the psychiatric evaluations and the police-debriefings lasted almost all the way up to the trial so I was more or less unable to focus on anything else. In addition, I needed to create the 38 page defence article attacking the first psych-report, then distribute it to three Norwegian news companies. I basically listed and explained approximately one hundred lies in the report, but unfortunately the media companies I sent it to chose to almost sensor it in its entirety. However, it proved to be a very important document as I managed to use it in relation to the second psychiatric evaluation team and in addition I managed to incorporate it in the official police report and have now forwarded it to the five judges in the trial for review. The document had to be completed before the last report came on the 10th of April. In addition, I had to create the "13-page defence statement" which I performed on the 17th of April.

Now, finally, thank #%&%#:D, I'm done with this and my one week defence, which lasted from April 17 to April 24th. That was an incredibly intense and draining week, and I almost didn't manage to pull it off. As I told one of my lawyers: "It's such a soothing atmosphere here in the court room because I am surrounded by positive energy from 200 friends..." Seriously though:D The most draining psychological challenge is to perform well and maintain your mental shields while being surrounded by 200 individuals who really want nothing else than to stab me in the face and tear my limbs apart:D. And me giving them a nice right wing salutation didn't exactly lower the tension:D I'm puzzled no one has tried to jump over the rail and attack me yet:o If I survive this unharmed, I will be positively surprised.

Btw, thank you so much for all the polls and YouTube comments etc. you referred to earlier. You can't imagine how important this information is to me. I truly appreciate what you have done Mia. In fact, I have actually used some of the information (just generic examples) to my advantage already, so thanks again.

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Even though we seem to be a long way from power today, the same thing was the case for the Islamists in the Middle East, only 5 years ago. And now they control several countries.... As someone once said, the revolution never seems furthest from completion, until the day before victory. The same will happen in Northern Europe. It is a pressure cooker that will increase and increase, and a single spark will make it blow, eventually. Nationalists will control several countries within just a few decades and perhaps even as soon as 15 years in the first country.

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You should go to atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com and check out how Pamela Geller is working. She is an inspirational leader, although she doesn't really care that much about European indigenous rights as she's Jewish. I worked for a while with the female leader of SIOA, Stop Islamisation of America, before she transferred the control of the organisation to Geller and Spencer. She was Jewish also, btw. What is it with Jews and initiative btw? Why are Christians and atheists so incredibly lazy (proportionate to total number of people) compared to them? Statistically, Jews are significantly superior when it comes to individual initiative in all areas. Is it lacking role models or what?:D

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To view it cynically though, there are a lot of idiots on the far right, so a person with intelligence, ambition and vision can go a really long way at the moment. This will change soon, because as soon as people notice that the tide is turning, it will no longer be a lack of talent standing ready. So by starting the engagement while the odds are still strongly against us will undoubtedly be positive in relation to positioning for a long term effort. Being a conservative revolutionary is not just a job, it's a life, but you know that already.

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For me it was an easy choice as my dream had always been to focus 100% on political activism. And it has developed into a great all-encompassing passion. You are already aware of the fact that I will fight, for the rest of my life, with the pen for the conservative revolution from here as best as I can for the coming decades.

I lost/sacrificed my old family and friends on 22/7, so now and in the future the people I correspond with are in fact the closest thing I have to a family. Of course, this was my own choice, but it also says that I truly appreciate everything you are doing.

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And my hope is to develop this further with those who are willing to join the conservative revolutionary struggle and continue to work with me, with non-violent means of course. I have had hundreds of people writing to me in support and some of them are really committed and intelligent enough at the same time. Btw, these people are not extremists in any way and all are against violence and just want to contribute in whatever way they can. Some are writers, others are more into networking. Some are already members of existing movements, some are not.

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Thanks to the ferocious struggle against the first psych-report stating that I'm a multi-retarded nutjob:D, and the new report stating the opposite, I'm 100% convinced I will be found sane by the court, so this is truly a great victory seen from an ideological standpoint. The long term ideological effects has been and will continue to be very rewarding seeing the massive amount of attention that has been directed at problems relating to mass-immigration and islamisation, and indigenous resistance etc. People now know that each and every person CAN make a difference if only they dare to invest their valuable time. Also, I know for a fact that the anti-nationalist witch hunt initiated in Europe against moderate cultural conservatives after 22/7 will result in increased tension and polarization, which will lead to increased radicalization, long term at least.

Btw, Mia. Regarding the interview process which I first initiated in January. I answered BBC's request to interview me, having considered and reviewed all other companies. At that point most of the large international news corporations had requested a world exclusive interview with me. I thought, it might as well be with the company I despise the most, BBC, since they have the largest global distribution network. A BBC producer called Anne Leer and her team started the process but somehow the information leaked, so a lot of news companies wrote about the planned interview, which again put pressure on the BBC admin in London. According to Anne Leer, the Norwegian justice department sabotaged the process as they, according to her, contacted the police and prison admin and made it so, which resulted in a scenario where they refused Anne Leer to visit me, allegedly because she had a criminal violation from earlier in her youth. But the real reason, according to her, was because they wanted to do everything in their power to prevent me from being interviewed in order to shield society. So after a lot of discussions, according to her, the BBC admin cancelled the process.

It was now in February. After that I contacted Reuters, as this is the largest news bureau globally, in reference to their request to do a filmed interview. The European leader is stationed in Hungary, Budapest but all the decisions are made in their HQ in NY. He was very happy to get the world exclusive, and he started the pre-approve process for the camera-team. After a couple of weeks though, he contacted my lawyer and told us that the NY admin had suddenly decided they wanted to cancel, without giving a reason.

So I thought, well, I will do one more attempt before the trial so I answered CNN's request for a filmed interview. They immediately started the process for pre-approval of a news team. Again, someone leaked the information to the media and CNN was exposed and received a lot of attention. A few weeks after that, they suddenly cancelled, without giving any coherent reason.

There are still over a hundred companies, most of the world's largest news agencies have requested an interview. The reason for the interest is that as of now, I have still not spoken to a journalist, so my "media virginity" is intact = 3

I've now changed my mind and concluded that I won't give any interviews at all, and will instead focus on writing a book(s). But at the same time, an interview definitely serves our case to a certain degree. The drawback is that all international News companies support multiculturalism so they will not allow me to criticise their ideology. They will sensor what they see fit. I think perhaps the best approach would be to not run after the media and not reply to any requests and instead focus on books, where the possibility to forward more ideological content is possible. But I am really not sure.

Also, regarding the outcome of the trial. Providing I am found sane and sentences to max 21 years (and sadly no, I don't think they will acquit me due to cultural self defence :D), I think perhaps the best and most decent thing is to not appeal. The reason is that this case has already generated considerably more publicity than one could have ever hoped for which have significantly raised the awareness level among Europeans relating to islamisation and other important areas. So appealing would most likely be viewed as desperate, in-decent and perhaps a counter-productive act. People in general, nationalists especially, would want that I take whatever comes as a man (not the nuthouse verdict though:D). This is my impression and assumption at least. And, also, I've stated that I do not acknowledge the court, so appealing would be very hypocritical. Of course, if they find me insane, I will of course appeal from here to the moon, that's for sure, but I haven't yet decided about the former. 

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The trial is hard and draining. As I said to my lawyers, it's going to be ten weeks of suffering, not only for me but for everyone. It's impossible not to feel ambivalent regarding all of this. It is and it was a necessary tragedy:/ I'm not going to break down mentally though, or it would have happened already. The first week was the worst but I feel I managed to perform more or less flawlessly. I'm actually glad in a way, that live visual feeds were banned, as text-writing is one of my strengths but performance is not as much. It was absolutely critical that I managed to perform the opening statement, and it looked very bad for a while. One of the judges, tried to interrupt and stop me but I insisted on going on. The third time, my lawyer had to insist towards the judge that I be allowed to complete. Surprisingly, the judge tried yet again to stop me before I had completed. This time the prosecutor said to the judge he wanted to hear what I had to say. Finally I was able to complete, surprisingly after 75 minutes (13 page statement).

This was on the second day of the trial, April the 17th. And I heard that the statement in its entirety had been successfully broadcasted in text-version on TV and on the net. I was very happy with the statement as it covered almost every important aspect of our cause, and it will not only cast light on our concerns in Norway but in most Northern European countries, providing it was translated and distributed that is. I haven't yet confirmed if it has been made available on the net or not. Do you know anything about that, Mia, whether it has been translated to English and German and distributed on patriotic sites? The statement was excellent, so I really hope it was:/

It's still 7-8 weeks of suffering left but at least, I've done my duty. Thanks for the support.

[content containing personal information removed]

I will write more as soon as time will let me. I know there are at least 100 good points you have commented on or brought up which I would indeed like to comment on. And of course all your awesome and funny comments, I so wish I had time to reciprocate those and I will, eventually=3:D And I will get back to you on those ASAP. Looking forward to hearing from you, Mia!:))

Sincerely,

Anders Behring Breivik

-----------------------------------------------------------------


Statement'i kohta nii palju, et see on korrektses inglise keeles netiavarustes täiesti olemas. Kes guugeldab, see leiab.
Kui kellelgi peaks huvi olema talle (DNA ja sõrmejälgede vaba:D) kiri kirjutada, siis postiaadressi leiab ka (kas või sellest samast postitusest siin).
Samuti ei hakka ma siin jagama kõikvõimalikke nn kahtlasi lehekülgi. Kohtuvideosid ka mitte. Kel huvi, see leiab ise.

Aga...ma lihtsalt jagan järgnevat lehekülge, kust leiab nii kurikuulsad psühh.aruanded(!), ingl. k kohtutranskriptsioonid kui ka nn kahtlasi lehekülgi.
Lähiajal tõenäoliselt tsiteerin midagi neist psühhiaatrilistest uurimustest.

https://sites.google.com/site/breivikreport/

Lisan siia 2 pilti, mida nähes tekkis mul maniakaalne naeruhoog. Hilarious!! Eriti esimene. Peaks välja printima, hea värvimismaterjal, haah XD
Selle lingi kaudu leiab veel mitmeid seni nägemata fotosid. Ma ei tea, kust nad (maniakaalsed fännid) küll need leiavad..nagu ka muud materjalid.

Kui keegi andekas teeks valmis animatsiooni sellest, kuidas Breivik laia naeratuse saatel michaeljacksonilikult autokatusel fännidele lehvitab (granaat käes ja püss õlal) või kuidas naiste hord kohtusaalis teda aluspesuga pommitab, siis ma tõesti lausa püherdaks naerust!

Tsirkus...

Muidugi ei saa märkimata jätta, et mõlemad kirjad olid naistelt, mis pani mind järjekordselt mõtlema ABB toetajaskonna peale. Tõenäoliselt on suur osa neist lihtsalt kari lolle.

Ma ei tea kahjuks, mida ja kuidas antud 2 naisisikut kirjutasid, aga kahtlustan siiski, et tegemist on lihtsalt tüüpiliste armunud naisfännidega, kes on pimestatud ja huvitatud ABB-st endast mitte tema ideoloogiast. Muidugi väga diskrimineeriv nii arvata lihtsalt nende soo tõttu. 

Tõelised (tõsiseltvõetavad) austajad/toetajad, veel enam, kaasvõitlejad, tõenäoliselt kirju eriti ei kirjuta, veel vähem esinevad mis tahel moel kuskil avalikkusele (kaasa arvatud netitegevus). Kui nad ka midagi seoses Breivikiga sõna võtavad, siis vaoshoitult, neutraalselt ja kahtlust mitteäratavalt.

Kahtlustan, et suur osa fänne on midagi järgnevast:

1. Armunud (nümfomaanidest) naised, (kellele tõenäoliselt sümpatiseerivad vägivaldsed ja domineerivad mehed) kes võtavad ABB ideoloogia omaks oma pimestatuse tõttu ja/või ABB ligi pääsemiseks. Nendega on ABB-l muidugi eriti lihtne manipuleerida ja ära kasutada.

2. Hullud/skisod/depressiivid/labiilikud, kes otsivad oma maniakaalsus/meeleheite väljaelamiseks vahendit

3. "Väiksed vennad" e mõttetud kaasajooksikud/pugejad/nõrgad kujud, kes on vaimustuses "suurtest kujudest", tegelikult hoolimata nende ideoloogiast, peaasi, et saaks kellegi suure ja tugeva kaitse ja käsu all olla.

4. Kõikvõimalikud muud hullud, keda ühendab eelnevatega see, et nad on kontrollimatud, ebaintelligentsed,  ettearvamatud, ebaratsionaalsed, ebalojaalsed, ilma tegeliku sisemise veendumuseta

ja toovad seega ABB-le ja kogu tema nn ristisõjale pigem kahju kui kasu. Muidugi annab ka selliseid oma eesmärkide täitmiseks rakendada.

PS! Ütlen veel kord: mind ei huvita poliitika, multikulturalism, islamisatsioon jne. Mind huvitab ABB ja kõik sellega kaasnev puhtalt psühholoogilisest aspektist. Kui ma õpiks psühholoogiat/psühhiaatriat, siis kirjutaks ma juba ammu temast (ülimahukat ja põhjalikku) magistritööd ja oleks temaga mitmekümne/mitmesaja tunni ulatuses vestelnud.

Ainult ametlikus vormis lähenemisega ei saa kunagi teada kõike seda, mida oleks vaja teada. Peab sõbrunema, empaatiliselt suhtuma, usalduse tekitama, et tungida sisemusse ja kõik välja kiskuda, mis annab...

Minu versioon ABB-st on jätkuvalt see, et teda võis tabada identiteedikriis ja oma obsessiivsuse, maniakaalsuse, suure ego ja nartsissismi tõttu leidiski sellise äärmusliku elu mõtte ja missiooni.

But who knows (no one)...Jätkuvalt ma küsin: MIKS? Ilmselt on paljutki, mida ta ka iseendale ei tunnista (enesekaitseks ja oma suure ego tõttu). Denial on peal nagunii kõigel, mis tema emotsionaalset kaitsekilpi nõrgestada võiks.

Aga jah, kui ma olen enda tutvusringkonna vaieldamatult kõige maniakaalsem ja obsessiivsem maniakk, siis Breivik teeb mulle ikka pika puuga ära.

Ma ei suudaks kunagi 10 aastat (!) järjest millessegi nii obsessiivselt süveneda ja veel sellest 1500 lk ulatuses tekste kirjutada...kui siis ainult ABB-st endast XD

Kui ma arvasin, et enam koomilisemaks minna ei saa, siis.....saab ikka küll:

Anders and his mother

"Mom: "He was so nice"

"Breivik looked down the table surface in front of him while the psychiatrist explained how her mother had gradually noticed that his son has changed from being a good boy."

"He was so kind, he always thought of me," said the mother of Breivik.

Then he began to change.

The mother was especially worried when Breivik virtually barricaded himself in his room and played video games all day long after he moved back in 2006.

The biggest transformation was according to his mother in 2010. While Breivik became more and more concerned with writing the manifesto, the mother did everything she could to avoid talking politics with him. When the son became the mother calls "uncomfortably intense."

Then one day in the spring of last year came out of his room wearing a "uniform jacket with lots of badges," her mother wondered if he had gone mad:

"I wondered whether the more he began to be completely crazy, and it became an uncomfortable, disgusting, and it felt unsafe. As if I did not know him anymore."

"He lied and cheated on me, she says, crying," Husby read from the conversation with his mother.

Breivik looked down the table surface in front of him and swallowed repeatedly.

The mother also said that Breivik did not know how much distance he had to her. He refused either to have something to do with her or sitting close to her on the couch and kissed her on the cheek."

"The mother of Norwegian mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik was already terrified of her son when he was just four years old, it has emerged.

The Oslo trial of the confessed 33-year-old killer of 77 heard how the 'hyperactive and aggressive' boy was incapable of feeling joy or pleasure.

She was still terrified 23 years later when, on moving back into her home in 2006, he would 'sit on top of her on the sofa' and attempt to kiss her face.

In a statement to police read out to the court, Wenche Breivik said: 'I felt like I was in prison with him. He was uncomfortably intense."

Child psychiatrists observed that the boy felt uncomfortable with contact, and would use techniques to avoid having to touch others."

Max Richter - Waltz with Bashir - 03. Haunted Ocean, Pt. 1

blue eyes

Kiireid märkmeid sellest kummalisest nädalast.

What's gonna happen...Juhtus see, et mind tabas korduvalt wtf moment nagu ka eile. On veider, kui naisterahval tekib alkoholi mõjul mingi agressiivne praalimishoog...Iga asi häirib, ärritab, igaühel lubatakse kere kuumaks kütta. Pluss veel mitmeid asju...et kohe tõesti what the heck? 

Eile ma mõtlesin üsna ärritunult jällegi, et mida kuradit. Kuidas mind ikka ärritavad ebausaldusväärsed inimesed, kes absoluutselt oma lubadustest kinni ei pea...Oleks siis nii, et oleks kuidagi need lubadused peale surutud, aga ei...Nad lubavad ise omast vabast tahtest, omal algatusel maad ja ilmad kokku...ning järgmisel päeval ei mäleta nagu üldse, mida nad öelnud on.

Sellepärast ongi vaikimine kuld. See on vist mõne inimese meelest viisakas, kui pudrumäed ja piimajõed kokku lubada..ja siis ei näe inimene sellest midagi.

Mis asi on ausus ja enda lubadustest kinni pidamine, oma sõnade täitmine, seda ei tea vist küll keegi...

No krt...Ma tunnen ennast nagu mingi saksa täpsusega pedantne maniakk, aga no mida krdit! Selline tunne, et Eestis valitseb ka mingi boheemlik lõunamaa laiskus ja pidev "maniana"...

Kuhu on jäänud need inimesed, kes selle peale, kuid oled 5 minutit hiljaks jäänud, murelikult helistavad, mõeldes, et oled õnnetusse sattunud ja juba kiirabiga haigla poole teel.

Aga ei, selle asemel on inimesed, kes lasevad sul tund aega oodata...heal juhul...tõenäoliselt nad unustavad üldse ära. 

Ebajärjekindel ja ebaloogiline jutt lisaks. Sellistel hetkedel läheb lihtsalt kulm kipra ja pole muud mõelda, kui et...mida kuradit?!:S

Tsiisas!

Kui öeldakse, et oled selline, nagu keskkond ja inimesed, kes sind ümbritsevad, siis mina küll selline ei ole. No absoluutselt.

Igasugune respekt kaob ära nende inimeste vastu, kes ei tee seda, mida nad lubavad...või siis teevad umbes saja aasta pärast.

See selleks...

Igal juhul on huvitav kuulda, kui mõni (vanem) meesisik on nii avameelne inimesega, kellega räägib esimest korda elus..ja väljendab mingeid emotsioone. Sõnu "hing on siin", "hinge minema", "haiget saama" jne 

Ma tean, et ma olen imelik, aga ma olen siiani iga kord üllatunud, kui mehed mingeid emotsioone/tundeid väljendavad. Ma ei tea, kas ma tõesti ei usu, et neil mingeid tundeid olla võiks (tundub nii) või siis ma olen lihtsalt üllatunud, kui nad neid jagavad.

Olenemata mõningatest negatiivsetest..ja kummalistest emotsioonidest ja hetkedest, siis ei jäänud mul märkamata, et

Eestimaa suvi, ma JUMALDAN sind!!!

Lillatav taevas, kollakas õhtune päiksevalgus, valged kakrad tee ääres, lokkav ja intensiivne rohelus...This is too beautiful.

Ja sinised silmad...hahaa...

Eelmisel korral tundus ta üsna pahur (aga neid siniseid silmi oli raske mitte märgata), kuid järgmisel korral, kui ta omaette või minu üle naeratas ja sõbralikult kõnetas, siis...ma panin ajama nii kiiresti, kui suutsin. God, I'm hopeless!:D

Ei jää üle muud, kui korrata samu sõnu, mis detsembris:

"Üllus
Ausus
Truudus
Vaprus

Otsin. Alati. Ei leia."

Ei ole enam kuskil ausaid ega lojaalseid inimesi. Üllaid ja vapraid ammugi mitte!

Keegi ei teagi, mis on ausus või lojaalsus...

Sigurd Ristisõdija II

Eilne (ja ilmselt ka tänane) kohtupäev oli Breivik'i jaoks taas koomikarikas (sai palju naerda). Tegelikult vaatas ta tunnistajapuldis rääkivat teda süüdimatuks tunnistanud psühhiaatrit kohati lausa kaastundliku ilmega nagu vaadatakse vaest hullu, kes kannatab luulude all ega tea, mis ta räägib. Arvata võib, kui ABB meelest oli 80% sellest uurimusest täiesti jabur väljamõeldis.

Aga see jutt on lihtsalt liiga naljakas:

Breivik Norra kuningaks nime all Sigurd Ristisõdija II

Mõned väljavõtted:

"Breiviki lõplik eesmärk oli saada Norra kuningaks. 

Kõigepealt pidi ta tapma peaministri ja Norra praeguse kuningliku perekonna. Seejärel oleks Breivik ise troonile tõusnud. Valitsejanimigi oli juba valitud: Breivikist pidi saama kuningas Sigurd Ristisõdija II. 

Naiste koht oleks olnud Breiviki psühhiaatritele kirjeldatud plaani järgi kolmandas vööndis. Seal oleks asunud muuhulgas sünnitustehased, kus oleks surrogaatemade abil lapsi toodetud.

Breivik oleks tahtnud, et surrogaatema oleks sünnitanud talle viis last. Ta ei olnud veel laste muretsemisega tegelema hakanud, sest ei teadnud, kellelt oleks saanud vajalikud munarakud. Psühhiaatrite sõnul kahtles Breivik lisaks, kas tema sperma on piisavalt kvaliteetne või tuleks ehk kasutada mõne „stiilsema“ doonori seemnerakke. Kümnepallisel stiilsusskaalal andis Breivik enesele vaid 4,9 palli."

Hahahaa!! Tõeline huumor.

Breiviki kohta arvas Norra üks tunnustatumaid psühhiaatreid Randi Rosenqvist, et ta pole meditsiinilises mõttes hull, kuid on ilmselt nartsissistlik ja suurusehulluses, megalomaaniline.

Tundub täitsa õige diagnoos siiani.

Samas võis ta sellist juttu ajada propaganda eesmärgil, et endale+manifestile rohkem tähelepanu tõmmata.

Näiteks ütles üks psühhiaater vms tegelane, kes ABB-iga vanglas lähedalt kokku puutus ja üle kuulas, et ta ajas alguses igasugust huvitavat juttu, millega püüdis nende emotsioonidele rõhuda ning B. arvas, et nad levitavad seda juttu meediale. See olnuks siis hea propaganda taas kord. Kui ta lõpuks aru sai, et nad ei levita tema jutt meediale, siis tema manipuleerimis- ja propagandategevus vaibus.

Võib-olla viskas natuke psühhiaatrite kulul nalja ka, sest mine tea, mis jama ta neile kokku võis ajada.

Sellega seoses meenub, kuidas Breivik pärast kinnivõtmist ei tahtnud üldse, et teda pildistatakse, aga kui pidi riideid ära võtma, siis bokserite väel olles hakkas poseerima nagu kulturist. Ha-haa!

Veel naljakam on muidugi see, et talle tahetakse vanglasse lõbustajaid/seltsilisi/jutukaaslasi palgata, kes temaga malet, hokit mängiks jms. This is too funny...Veider on see, et teda peetakse liiga ohtlikuks teiste vangidega kokkupanemiseks (võtab pantvangi ja põgeneb), aga tavakodanike jaoks siis pole ohtlik?

Igatahes ma tean, mis mu unistuste töö oleks, hahaa!

Soovin juba ette õnne tulevastele õnnelikele, kes saavad väga huvitava töökogemuse enda CV-sse kirjutada: "Norra massimõrvari Anders Behring Breiviki seltsidaam/lõbustaja. Tööülesanded: ABB-ga koos teleka vaatamine, kaartide mängimine, vestlemine, õues jalutamine, koos treenimine, söömine jm jooksvad ülesanded."

HAHAA!

Enam-vähem kõike seda tegid need 17 inimest, kes järgemööda ja korraga umbes 2-4 kaupa Breivikiga 3 nädalat järjest 24/7 koos kongis elasid. Nii et sellele loetelule võiks veel lisada "koos magamine", sest ma sain aru, et ka öösel olid 2 inimest seal. 

Super töö oleks, käia 8 tundi päevas sellise värvika persooniga juttu ajamas jms tegemas. Ma oleks väga rahul, kui mind muidugi pantvangi ei võetaks ja/või ära ei tapetaks. Juhul, kui ta maniakaalselt multikulturistidest, moslemitest, feminiseerunud Euroopast ja poliitikast vatraks, läheks päris tüütuks ja häirivaks ära muidugi.

This is too funny..ja kõige parem asi on see, et kõik see pole üldsegi nali, vaid täitsa tõsi.

Natuke vigane (Google Translate'i) tõlge:

"In an interview with the Norwegian national news says acting manager Yngve Ystad Dikemark on how the team struggled with the emotional reactions after the meeting with the mass killing man.

According to NRK understands, staff developed a form of sympathy and understanding for the defendant, who appeared as most pleasant in everyday life at Ila.

- Getting so close to the person, share thoughts and feelings, and try to understand this man in all aspects, the reactions, said Ystad.

Four people in the daytime, four people in the evenings and two on the night was with Breivik every day for three weeks.

- They ate together, watched TV together, trained together and talked about topical issues - including terrorism case, tells Ystad, that will not go further into details of the talks."

Kate Bush - Army Dreamers - Official Music Video